Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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