While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just had sex bonerless
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
