things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
