Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm like, not good at living.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
