So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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