No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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