I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
