drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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