Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
