I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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