You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
