I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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