dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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