john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
