I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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