We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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