Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I supernannyed him into submission
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
