God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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