Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
