Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
