I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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