We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
