he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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