GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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