Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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