well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
