my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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