if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
