i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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