Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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