community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
