Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
