I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
