I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
