i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
