Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
