I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
