and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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