well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
