I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
