3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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