Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You are the jesus of drinking
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
