okay pat passed out under dana's car
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
