I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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