somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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