Jerry, you need to find god
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
