OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
