Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
