The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
