isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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