is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
