Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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