This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
